Monday, October 20, 2014

Post-Appointment Hematology

Well, the hematology appointment was not as bad as it could have been.  It definitely could have been better.  But I'll take not as bad as it could have been.

The staff was all really kind, he was super nice.  The facility was, well it was standard cancer center.  Lots of super pithy "uplifting" comments on the walls.  Am I the only person in the world that doesn't find that stuff at all reassuring and just finds it grating?


Whatever, I'm bitter and jaded and cynical.  I accept that.

The thing I *DID* like about the building, is this sculpture as you walk in.




Seriously, how good is that?  I love it.  And it's so true.  It's so important to not let the crush outweigh the optimism.  And lately I've been letting the crush be the main focus.  It's been so hard with my current downturn and I hope that after I get back on solid ground that I'll be able to see the light again.  But right now I'm holding on to the fact that the light is there. 

Hematology went about as well as it could go.  The doctor seemed pretty competent.  He didn't have the best bedside manner, but I've found that with a lot with the higher level specialists.  He didn't try to tell me that I just had had IBS or that my diagnosis was wrong so I liked him more that a couple of other doctors that I've seen recently.

He wasn't willing to discuss my GI issues.  As he said "I'm not a GI doctor."  Yeah, I expected that.  But I floated the idea that I was reacting to the physical process of eating and he didn't balk at that, so at least I can say that my hematologist agreed with me when I go to the GI doctor on the 30th.

The hematologist was HORRIFIED by my thyroid dosage.  (I'm on 250 mcg right now)  Yeah.  It's a lot.  He said he'd like to see me on 12 mcg.  12.  Yeah that's not going to work.  He also thought that my taking iron and B6 and vitamin C was a bad idea.  He thought it could be contributing to some of my GI issues.  So instead he said "Let's do an Ferritin and B12 infusion.  You'll only need it once a year unless you have an underlying issue."  (Um.... yeah... I think I have an underlying issue, it's called Mastocytosis...)

He also said that he wanted me to stay off the Gabapentin, not because he thought it was causing the throat itching, he said that Gabapentin was safe he just wants me to not take so many medications.  Which would be great except being on Gabapentin means I don't take as much oxycodone.  He also said that Gabapentin wouldn't help my back pain, since it's "JUST for diabetic neuropathy."  Um.. but it helps.

So anyway the next Friday I had my Ferritin infusion AND I DIDN'T DIE!!!

HOORAY DIDN'T DIE!!

So that's the tale of hematology.  I see the surgeon on the 25th and I see the GI doc on the 30th.

I have to take my daughter for a surgery consult today.  She's got an awful ingrown toenail that's got to be removed.  She's dancing in Nutcracker and can't have her toe like this any more.  And then she will have surgery on Friday.  Instead of the in office procedure like normal they're doing it at the hospital and will put her under.  Little nervous about that.  She's never shown any signs of having mast cell issues but since me and her brother have it it makes me a little more cautious. 

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Hematology on Thursday

I got my pre-appointment paperwork. It's about 25 pages. Although they only gave me about 6 lines for medications. (HA!)


Totally looking forward to slogging through this.

Today I had my pre-appointment blood work done.  5 vials of blood gone.  Farewell blood!  Tryptase, CBC, CMP, thyroid and more iron studies.  Hey guess what?  My iron is still going to be in the crapper, I've only been on the iron supplement for like a month.

I am very anxious about this appointment.  I have no idea what this guy's qualifications are.  I have no idea if he knows anything about masto.  I mean he knew enough to run a tryptase so he's doing a little better than I was expecting.  I generally don't have a lot of hope for most doctors.  I mean generally I go in to the ER and say "I'm in anaphylaxis and have mastocytosis" and they say "What's wrong with your breasts?"  It's true and you know it!

So, specific prayer request for this appointment.  That he is out of the park smart about mastocytosis.  That he has been secretly studying it at night and on weekends.  He loves it and is passionate it about. ;)  (Hey a girl can dream right?)  That he will listen to my concerns and not write them off!  That he'll be willing to search out answers for things that are happening even if they don't neatly fit in the masto box.  I cannot keep living like this and I need a doctor who is willing to be an active participant in my care!

I don't know, I feel like it doesn't matter, because right now so much of my symptoms are GI focused so why am I even bothering to go to the hematologist.  But here I go.  And we'll see what happens.

Thursday, October 2, 2014

It's been a rough month

I got my mastocytosis diagnosis in 2011.  For the last 3 years I've been *FAIRLY* stable.  I've had some ups and downs with the GI stuff, the addition of dicyclomine and budesonide had helped that incredibly.  And then I've had the struggle with the degenerative disc disease, adding gabapentin about 5 months ago gave me a new lease on life, I was cutting back on my oxycodone and really felt like a new person.  I was walking, exercising, starting to see some weight loss, etc.



But my mast cells have decided to flip out and destroy my life.

In the middle of August I had the itchy throat thing crop up.  With no explanation.  Couldn't figure it out.  And that is still going on now.  My Primary care doc things it's the gabapentin causing it and has had me discontinue it; you would think if it was the gabapentin the itching would have stopped when I stopped taking it 3 weeks ago, right?  Now my pain level is through the roof again and I'm only medicating with oxycodone.  Not ideal for a mom who is trying to take care of two kiddos.  I cannot take oxycodone if I need to drive, or do... anything.



Primary doc ran blood work my iron levels came back super low, which they have been since my bone marrow biopsy in January.  Along with my thyroid being bottomed out again.  (DAMN YOU THYROID)  Started an iron supplement and kicked the thyroid up to 250 mcg a day.  He has no other ideas and tells me to wait for the hematology group to see me.  I've been waiting for them to schedule me since June.  JUNE.


Maybe this is how they process their appointments?

UPDATE - Hematology called me today (Friday) I have an appointment on Oct 9!!!  HOORAY

On September 23 I was out running errands and all of a sudden my legs were on FIRE.  They were burning so bad I seriously thought that I had to have spilled some sort of cleaning product on my legs somehow.  It was very reminiscent of the last time I used bleach in the laundry and accidentally got some on my hand.  I got home and took my jeans off and my legs were BRIGHT RED and covered in hives.  A cold shower, 4 benadryl, two atarax, and pouring cromolyn sodium on my legs finally calmed the reaction.  I figured it had to be something on my jeans, cat hair?  Food?  Who knew.  I washed them as normal and wore them the next day to the same result.  The only thing I can conclude is I'm allergic to the jeans or the friction from the jeans is causing the reaction.  So now jeans are out of my wardrobe.  That's awesome.



I did something I said I'd never do, bought leggings.  Because in addition to losing the ability to wear jeans, apparently I can't shave without setting off a cascading horror show of hives.  Thanks masto!


And the last week I've had the worst abdominal pain.  That's not that unusual for me, I've always had heavy GI symptoms.  I called the GI clinic and begged them to get me in, told them that I have a completely open schedule, can come in on any cancelation, etc.  They can see me October 30.  Awesome.  I've barely been eating because everything I eat causes the pain to get worse and makes me nauseated and then of course is followed by horrible diarrhea.  Buckets of fun. I've dropped 16 pounds since I saw my doctor in August.



I long ago lost the ability to take *HOT* showers and baths.  I was a person who loved to turn the tap on as hot as it would go and lay in their and boil.  I've been taking luke-warm showers for about a year now.  For the last two weeks I've been taking cold showers.  Because even the luke-warm showers were sending me into fits of itching so bad I was scratching bloody furrows into my skin.

I've lost the ability to use my "safe" shampoo and condition.  My safe soap.  I'm left with hypoallergenic baby shampoo for shampoo and soap.  I can't shave, running the razor over my skin is too much friction.  I need to go find a new deodorant, but I've been waiting for a "good" day because I know walking down the deodorant aisle even in my vogmask is going to be dicey.  Can't use my lotion.  It's been a great time recently.




In addition to the abdominal pain I've lost pretty much all my safe "go-to" foods.  Potatoes?  Gone.  Watermelon?  Gone.  Canteloupe?  Gone.  Heck, I reacted to a bottle of water on Sunday.  Yup, a bottle of water.  It wasn't even COLD.  I know that I've lost the ability to eat and drink anything super cold or super hot.  I had to ask a guy for a bottle of water that hadn't been in the cooler and I still reacted.   Made my lips and face go all buzzy and numb and my hands started swelling.  The heck is going on with my masto?  I have no idea, but it sucks.

I've been living in my new vogmask.  I bought a new one with a vent.  Best purchase ever.  Seriously, if you have chemical sensetivity and DON'T own a vogmask, get one.  You won't regret it.  I get funny looks but I don't care.  (Plus they're super cute.)


That's what is happening in my masto world.  Everything sucks but I'm trying to keep a positive attitude so that I don't get stressed out and make the mast cell degranulation worse.


The Aspirational Sick Person

I got a bug in my ear and wanted to discuss the "aspirational sick person" trope that's kind of hot right now.  Examples?  "The Fault in Our Stars" and Fox's new show "The Red Band Society".  (Fair disclaimer I have watchined "The Red Band Society" I have not read or watched "The Fault in Our Stars" working on the book now and then I'll watch the movie and report back more fully.)  The ASP, they have some horrible illness, but their lives are *AWESOME* their friends and families have pulled in close and are making their "last days" the best that they can be.


Fox's "Red Band Society"  the sick kids consist of a kid in a coma, two kids with osteosarcoma, a kid with cystic fibrosis, an anorexic and a kid in heart failure.

Let's talk about that, shall we?

The ASP, they're always very sick.  But not so sick that they can't go do the things that fulfill their life.  They take amazing trips.  In "The Fault in Our Stars" the two sick cancer kids take off to Amsterdam, the doctor even tells the parents "Oh she needs to live her life!"  Yup, she's just gotten out of the ICU, but she needs to "live her life".


This is clearly a girl who needs a transatlantic flight


I one day hope to travel the world, and I've gotten to take several trips over the last few years since my diagnosis.  I hope to do more travelling.  For me, that requires carrying several epi-pens, emergency meds and having a good idea of where the nearest ER is.  But I have had my doctor express doubt about travelling.  "Maybe now is a better time to stick close to home, where you're a known entity."  And "Maybe being in a plane isn't a great place to have anaphylaxis."  Hey cancer kids, maybe being in a plane isn't a great place to die?  Especially over the ocean?  I'm the only one that that thinks these things?  Okay.


It's a METAPHOR, GET IT?!


The extravagant trips and "last wish" fulfillment.  While some kids have Make a Wish, most adults who get sick spend out savings and most of our income fighting our diseases.  Even if we have "good" insurance.  I spend $80 a month on medication co-pays, and that's just maintenance medications.  When I flare or get super sick we're looking at another $20-$40 on top of that, or more!  I'm looking at you freaking Zyvox.  Sure, some adults decide to charge up the credit cards, it's worth it to make those memories and what not.  But many of us feel that it's far more rational to stick close to home, pay our bills and not burden our family with large amounts of debt if we are to die.

Now, if I were to get a terminal time line, would I do everything in my power to take my kids to Disneyland or something, of course I would.  But that would require some begging, borrowing and stealing.  And it would be a limited trip.  Not the extravagant lifestyle that we often see the ASPs living in books, TV and movie.  "Well if I'm going to go out I'm going to go out in style" kind of attitude.  You've seen it, especially regarding teenage patients.  The parents spoil them, buy them extravagant gifts.  I'm sorry, if you have a severe illness the reality is that most if not all available funds are probably paying for the treatment, no money for electric guitars or couture dresses.

Everyone is super good looking, with no visible signs of their illness.  You never see anyone have to take medication.  IV lines?  Nope, no one in this hospital needs them!  Nasal cannulas?  Nope, not even the kid in the coma is intubated or on oxygen!  The anorexic in "The Red Band Society" is thin, but not on an NJ tube or TPN and just "doesn't eat", if you're dangerously anorexic enough to be in a hospital you're probably going to be on forced feeding.  If you're at the stage where you're at a healthy weight and just "not eating" you're off to a private recovery center.

Can we also discuss how huge hospital rooms are on these type of shows?  I mean, in "The Red Band Society" one of the characters has his bed turned diagonally in the room and then a full sized couch and another bed in the room.  And there's plenty of room to walk.  Far cry from the matchbox rooms that I've gotten to inhabit over my years.



This isn't even one of the bigger ones! 

There's also the issue of the ASP being "inspirational".  My life shouldn't be inspirational just because I'm sick.  Stella Young is a comedian and journalist who gave a TED talk back in April 2014 that went right along those lines.  It was entitled "I'm not your inspiration, thank you very much."  She says that when she was 15 her parents were approached by someone in the community who wanted to give her a community achievement award.  Her parents said "That's very nice, but she hasn't achieved anything."  Because excluding disability her life was very common.






Disability and illness does not make you exceptional.  And in fact, many of us with disabilities and chronic illness are very ordinary and living incredibly normal lives.  We are NOT aspirational.  It is not okay to aspire to live your life the way someone with chronic illness lives.  Trust me, YOU DO NOT WANT THIS.

It's also not okay to compare your life to ours and say "Well, compared to you my life is perfect."  Look, we all have our crap that we have to deal with it.  It's our crap.  There's a great saying that I picked up from some Lysa Terkeurst book:  "I am not equipped for what [s]he has, the good or the bad."  And that's the real truth.

Stella Young had this to say about the quote "The only disability is a bad attitude"  She said,  "No amount of smiling is ever going to turn a flight of stairs into a ramp."  Stella gets it.


Maysoon Zayid is a comic who has Cerebal Palsy.  She talks about disability in entertainment.  And she points out that disability is the most underrepresented minority in entertainment.  "If a woman in a wheelchair can't play Beyonce then Beyonce can't play a woman in a wheelchair."  She hopes that by changing the conversation on disability and presenting more positive images in the media and on the internet that we'll be able to change the way people with disabilities are talked about.

The pilot episode of Red Band Society ended with the quote "Everyone thinks that when you go to a hospital life stops.  But it's just the opposite, life starts."  For anyone who has spent any amount of time in the hospital knows how wrong this quote is.

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Essential Oils, and science based medicine

If you have a chronic illness you have probably had someone tell you that essential oils can "CURE YOU".  Probably someone who sells doTERRA.  I have been told that essentials oils will reduce my inflammation, replace my allergy medication, eliminate my IBS symptoms, etc. etc. etc.




Apparently oregano oil is the most effective antibiotic.  Frankincense oil helps with the inflammation in Crohn's disease.  Peppermint oil is claimed to help asthma, autism, cold sores, fever and brain injuries.  In fact, there's even a doTERRA essential oil that works against the ebola virus!!  (Not even kidding... on several doTERRA sites, they claimed that cinnamon oil and oregano oil were essential to have "on hand to fight ebola!")









But here's the thing.  It doesn't do *ANY* of this.


In fact Monday, the FDA put out a letter to doTERRA telling them that their claims for their products make their products drugs.  They don't have the testing or approval for their products to be drugs.  So basically, knock it the hell off or deal with the consequences.

Taken directly from the FDA letter:

 Prescription drugs can only be used safely at the direction, and under the supervision, of a licensed practitioner. Therefore, it is impossible to write "adequate directions for use" for a prescription drug to be used by a layperson.  As previously mentioned, these dōTERRA Essential Oil products are offered for conditions, such as ebola virus infection, that are not amenable to self-diagnosis and treatment by individuals who are not medical practitioners. Therefore, adequate directions cannot be written so that a layman can use these drugs safely for those intended uses. 

And:

The violations cited in this letter are not intended to be an all-inclusive list of violations that exist in connection with your products. While FDA has mentioned specific dōTERRA Essential Oil products in this letter, there are drug claims being made by your consultants for a wide range of your dōTERRA Essential Oil products. As such, the cited violations in this letter should not be viewed to apply solely to the specific products mentioned in this letter. It is your responsibility to ensure that all of your products are in compliance with all requirements of the Act and federal regulations. You should take prompt action to correct the violations cited in this letter. Failure to implement lasting corrective action on violations may result in regulatory action being initiated by FDA without further notice. 

Ultimately, the whole essential oil thing is a great example of "woo".  What is "woo"?  Woo refers to ideas considered based on extremely flimsy or irrational evidence.

Why are some people so strongly sold on essential oils?  Placebo effect.  That simple.

Now, am I saying that you shouldn't buy a bubble bath that you like and it makes you relaxed?  HECK NO!  If you like it, buy, relax in it and enjoy!!  BUT don't invest your savings in a multi-level marketing company selling it, maybe.  Especially if you're claiming that the bubble bath wards off ebola.  Okay?

I would also like to take this moment to like to Science Based Medicine.  I think it's something more people should look stuff up in.  Has it been through double blind trials?  Who is profiting from it?  What is the research on it?  These are questions you need to be asking!!!

And here's Science Based Medicine's article on doTERRA

Now, if you want to argue how doTERRA has changed your life and totally reversed whatever for you, great.  I'm happy for you.  BUT you need to show me a double blind study for me to buy it.  Sorry, that's the standard that I expect before I'm going to buy into something like this.

Interestingly the only response I've seen so far on this has been from essential oil disciples who are calling the FDA a pile of idiots that "want a piece of the essential oil pie".  Okay.  

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Mastocystic Enterocolitis and FODMAP

I am *NOT* in Rochester at the TMS Conference this weekend.  It is freaking killing me and I am *SO* beyond jealous.  But I am active on the TMS facebook page and so I've been able to see some of the slides so far.

One of the most interesting slides that pops up on the feed this morning?  I believe it was from Dr. Hamilton's presentation (it would make the most sense to be from him) on the FODMAP diet.

I had just YESTERDAY been discussing FODMAP with some Crohn's folks on Reddit.  And was considering if FODMAP could work for me.  FODMAP is used for IBS/IBD and Crohn's patients.

I had a terrible night last night.  I was horribly itchy, I was scratching bloody welts into my legs and arms.  Took a cold shower, didn't help.  Took 3 benadryl and an atarax, didn't help fast enough.  Was rubbing cromolyn into my skin, didn't help.  Then had horrible stomach cramps and bloating, nausea and diarrhea.  Gosh I love this disease!  And the worst part is, I have *NO IDEA* what triggered the attack.  None.  It could have been anything, nothing, everything.

I woke up this morning and was seriously considering whether to call my doctor and ask him to put me on TPN because I am literally scared to eat at this point.

But I suppose doing 6-8 weeks on FODMAP seems, slightly/very, more rational than going on IV nutrition so I'm going to give that a go first.  I will cry and pout about it because it says that garlic and onions are ABSOLUTE no-nos, but I'll give it a go.

I am tired of feeling so sick.  I am just done being so exhausted.  I'm over having to get up and go to the bathroom 4-8 times at night.  I just can't keep doing this like this anymore.

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

This is my pity party post.

Having a rough time right now, the reality of what some of my recent stuff may mean has kind of hit me.  I have tried really hard to be the "good" sick person.  To not complain too much.  To have the good attitude.  To always say "Oh I'm okay" when people ask how I am.  Etc.  

But the reality is I'm not okay right now.  I'm really, really sick.  This is the first time in a long time that I've felt like this disease is winning.  It doesn't matter what I eat I feel horrible.  I'm on forums looking up elemental feeding options.  Considering asking GI doctors about TPN options.  I mean, clearly that's not someone doing well.  I sit in the bathroom and just cry.  Because I'm in so much pain.  

I could sleep 18 hours, wake up to use the bathroom and go back to bed for another 6.  I have no energy right now.  It takes all my energy to just get up and take a shower and get dressed.  I feel like I am failing.  My husband is in school and working and then he comes home where I've done crap all and he's like "Great, I have home work but the kids have trashed the house and you haven't done anything." I know it.  I know I'm supposed to be doing it.  And I can't.

I'm just exhausted, tired of being sick.  And not sure what to do at this point.  I was talking to a friend last night, and he's one of the only people that I get super "real" with about this disease.  I mean how many people can you text "OMG I can't stop pooping!"  (How many of you are thinking "Gosh I'm glad I'm not that close with you now!")  I was running through some of the possible options, as far as I see them at this point, and he said "I'm always amazed at how well you take everything, you really are an inspiration". I want to be an inspiration, I want to be strong in this.  But at the same time.  OH MY GOSH THIS SUCKS SO MUCH.  I want to just cry and scream and not leave my room.


For those not in the know, do not go searching other Tim Minchin videos in hopes of finding uplifting, spiritual songs. There were other versions of this song but his version spoke to me today.

If you have a good sense of humor, being a mother of a ginger, I'm a big fan of his song Prejudice


I like his song Canvas Bags




All of his stuff is pretty funny but some of it gets pretty raunchy pretty quickly, so if littles are around, hit the headphones ;)